A confession

I've been longed for a moment like this to arrive. Finally it comes. Wake up in the morning and a new message waving at you , it's from someone important to you, how blissful. The holiday doesn't feel much boring because of your great companionship. As so do I for you. The fact lying in the fire, indicates to me how irreplaceable you are , setting up my pleasant and unpleasant time. Everything is coincided at the right time. I have to cater for your needs, to boost of my sincerity to you. Unfortunately, the clock ticks as a warning that my time left isn't enough . But I would still capture every single piece of memory we are sharing , from now onward. Be with me, as I will be with you as always. Lets appreciate this simple happiness, together.

Daily update

Starting from now onward, I will update here daily . Since people say blogging is a habit to be ingrained to one's routine as you may find it hard to speak out something face to face to someone or you are frequently to have expressions that you can't explain in verbal, thus blogging will definitely and undeniably act as your alternative . I'm person whose emotions vary from time to time. In the past I was totally a 'dark-face-creature' called by my friends. Anyway, they said I've changed much better now . However, the trouble and difficulty in spilling words out still exist , therefore I need a blog , so essential. As for today, everything was seemingly usual . But I guess I had a difference . Cracking broken jokes , teased and fooled around , I was showing the genuine me . Those acts which are totally not giving great sight , I've done all. Friends said I'm not the real me today, who is supposed to be cool and quiet, looking things happen around in the deep and quiet eyes. Is it? I never knew I given them such impression? I thought I'm a good joker instead. Well, doesn't matter since I've finally showed what kind of person I am . Not one who looks manifested with sever depression but shining bright with stupid behaviors in order to create a maximum joys for people. Disregard the frustrations , we human have too less time to think enjoy happiness in life, so be grateful whenever you had one and cherish them. Once it past, then it is. Suffice to say, don't let the unhappy incidents to get over your head, put them behind and continue look for the delighting ones . WELL WELL WELL, have no idea for all these things written. I'm in the insanity , incurable , guess that only sleeping heals. GOODNIGHT !!1 =)

Update

Today, I'm going to share one funny incident that happened to me in the class before English paper 2 started. It goes by this way, the relief teacher came in , then began to distribute the test papers to every student sitting on first row, ONLY. For ur information, d paper was likely to start at 10.45 which was right after recess. So , a few of them had not come back in time yet. The girl infront of me ,who is sitting the first seat in my row, was one who came in late . The teacher told that we were stll nt allow to touch on the papers distributed before further inform. Well,since the papers were on her desk, right infront of me....suddenly a thought appeared . " How if I go front and check out the questions first? Or just flip over enough. " Without further thinking I did according to my will, it was too voluntary . As I opened the first page , the teacher immediately caught her sight at me and screamed . At that instant , I was like... " Huh!? What da heck I'm doing , how could I really act against the regulation stated by teacher just now? " How funny...damn.. So everyone in class stared at me , for a moment it was all silent..Gosh, I was damn awkward for a short while but I remained giggling . A way to overcome the embarrassing situation and made it return to normal. Later, the teacher strongly emphasized on a few rules and regulations once more and this time he took me as an example of defiance . Damn.. it was truly not me to do that under conscious, I guess I was haunted somehow. Haha... so, the test started and ended in an unreasonably hot day . Stressful? Maybe you can try to sweat them out . GOODLUCK !

我慌了但还没乱

其实这些事实我早已经知道，只是日复一日地假扮傻子装作从来都不知道。 　“只有坚持才会成功，　只要经得起时间的洗礼岁月无情的切割　由始至终都不变心　上天总看得见　你的坚持总会开花结果”　 类似的句子常常在阅读报刊的文稿时都会有　但其意义又那么的切确　那么错不了？　 思想还为完全成熟的我　被摆在眼前的事实与一直存在心中的坚持弄得混淆了　 是否该退一步昂望星空　发现其实还有那么多正闪烁着的星星　分分秒秒都在夜里洋溢着笑容　等待我一一分辩她们谁才是属于我的星？　 抑或该持续追逐那开始就被看上的明月　付出更多努力　对有天必能拥有它深信不惑　 这回我真地慌了　或许我太倾于把注意力，一切一切都建构与周围的人事物罢了　而忽略了其他 但与这些人事物的日夜相对　产生一丝丝感情　对于这点我也束手无策　这是自然不过的　 质疑着自己的耐力　恨不得能马上飞去未来时光　让我看清到最后　究竟紧握手掌心的是皎洁如爱的明月　还是闪亮如金的星星 无可奈何　前方的路到头来只能由亲身探索　得到的答案才称得起值得　继续前进吧。。有天我会懂的　 我慌了　但我没乱　　

5/5/2013

Huge day tomorrow for the country ,the 13th General Election if I'm not mistaken.It might be the historical moment where our country will turn into a new leaf, or don't. Dad must be the most exciting person since he is extremely active in political issues . Well , due to underage we students are the outsiders in this matter, none of our business. It's just another ordinary day to live through. May GOD bless a smooth and clean process on tomorrow. May now, no much time to waste . The pressure shouldering weighs twice more than a big stone. Almost unbearable yet I'm still capable. Exam is ongoing, again will be mental killing. Fatigue . So meaningless.

My mum

She's at the age of early 50's. Basically she is in a great physical condition , voice is still loud , unlike those who are probably to falter much when they have stepped into the old age. So to me, mum is still one perfection . The only blemish that ruins is she has a poor hearing ability. To be frank, we family tend to have a little problem to communicate with mum . It's unlikely to be smooth and easy as Mum couldn't hear what we speak at the first place. Tonight, mum asked me for help . Well, she was learning to text through phone. What I mean here, is button phone . Mum has never get recognized with any electronic device , the only exception is TV . But today, she wanted to text , maybe to her friend? Someone in Kuantan. She didn't know to function the phone at all, and I knew that sister and dad would not bother much , thy would instead type the message for her and get everything done without further explanation. But this is never in mum's will. She craves to learn this something new for her. Perhaps she's badly affected by the three of us at home who press on the phone days and nights. So, I stopped my workloads . Tutored mum till she finally could send a text by her own. And it was when I see the satisfaction glows wither her eyes. After all, great patience is very essential .Mum has been getting older and her hearing deteriorates in a bad effect. This is what I can boost with as sister and dad will never have the particular extent of patience to teach mum . Mum, there are words that I could never speak through words and I opted here as my alternate way to deliver . Mum, feel free to consult me whenever u need any explanation whether it's still about phone, english language.. and anything. I will always answer , explain , without fed.

Two of them

They knew each other 1 year ago, in where they were arranged into the same class . It was quite strange between them as they haven't met too frequent in school during those previous years. So, things got started in pace. Making friends in new circumstance was a difficult task for him , whether he is fear of female or inferiority complex ? I didn't know. But he just unlikely to mix with people like how others did. He had so much in his mind to figure in his bid to turn into a new leaf . What I mean here is to become more sociable . More friends to be made available. Anyways , patience is an essential condition to live in the way he wants. Well, for her, it was totally the different story. She is good in socializing , speaking and of course entertaining . There is something that made her emerged as one out of a million among us. "Pureness" . She is inadequate in general knowledge or more preferable to be called 'common sense' . That made me always succeed fooling her with jokes and craps that never sounded true , yet she believed as much as it could go . Well, because of this specific personality of hers , we named her as the ' Pure but ecstatic ' girl. She always had her great smile on face , it was absolutely charming in her own way. But sorry, forgive me refusing to consider it as the attractive one . Speaking too much about the duo's personality , almost forgot the main purpose writing this. So...later , they came closer as time passed. From the early stage of being just ordinary friends, they have gone through numbers of incidents together , perhaps having exams might be counted as one of the incident too. The bond created since the beginning has strengthened by the time they were having with each other. Right now, they were like two rubber-bands tied up , still might be able to break up but when there's no external factors act as disturbance, it remains tied. I have to clarify a little bit , they ain't couples , maybe yet to be . Anyway, she treats him as one of her closest buddies which she called 'Her sister" . I wonder is it she doesn't aware that actually the relationship doesn't seem much like sister with sister, but a true couples . As for him, he claims that he doesn't want to think beyond the reality on ground. Living like now is the best for him. "Sometimes to stay from a constant distance would be easier for yourself rather than keep pushing till the limits" . Suffice to say , he has fallen in love , yet he wouldn't be frank . I'm typing here, and with most sincerity I bless to GOD , " Grant them an opportunity to find the easier pathway to deliver their own messages , don't be shy or you'll miss out the greatest chance alive now "

Little by little

The quote has given me loads of aspiration. I know that what am I doing is heading towards the right direction. No doubts , it could happen . So, I will keep on my moving steps , day by day . Even it's still a thousand miles away, I'm approaching. Wait for me, Im coming nearer, wait for me, Im really coming.

Be yourself

I used to think my attitude, my behaviors , my personality , my way of living life isn't great. Feel like I'm not giving people the best impression , so idiot thought. I started to watch some successful pupils around, I mean they are not those who have certain popular achievement that pay contributions to world, just they succeed in playing their role in life , causing people to admire or few would even call them role models. Yea.. so do I. Therefore, I tried to copy these group of people . I intended to make use of their personality then try to apply to mine , or perhaps to alter mine. So I imitated them in such a way that would attract a little attentions from outsiders , so stupid . It's really one of the greatest stupidity I've ever done . In fact, everyone born distinctively with own personality , that's why God created us. It's the difference between our personalities to show that humans being are never could be the same. I've learnt it, quite comprehensive. Owe myself an apology for those times when I was forced to be another person in order to grab people's sight . Idiot, like character in those child stories, very idiot. Stop it and be myself, from now.

Head up.

At times, people who are at the higher standard than you might look down on you, even if they're your friends, best friends, close buddies. Well, you shouldn't care too much over this, it's very common to have things happen this way. They think they possess high proficiency and absolutely skillful in that particular thing , get so perfectly done with it, so they could not bear too much with those who are unable. Nevermind, they just slightly fouled the rules of being friends , that's to tolerate and to tutor friends in anything they're better than. So, the only option for you --- work hard. harder, and to the hardest. I believe in the phase " Succeed comes from 99% of efforts and 1% of talent" . I might not be linked with talent , but I try to win myself a place with all the efforts I've given. It's okay to have people look down on you sometimes, it makes you to generate more motivations from your internal and transform it into a greater result. Maybe, also to seal the people's mouth with that evidence. So, just keep laughing and teasing , it's alright . Wish that soon I would be grateful for all your laughter that make a headway to my succeed . Lets see !

I'm 17th. // Miracle // Mixed feelings

I'm practically 17th , had a plain celebration with families and friends that day, it was significantly memorable . 17th, used to be a 'far & long way" numerical digit to me . It came too fast, truly. Time has never shown signs of mercy , flowing away without considering whatever interruptions that came in , none of these could make time cease a little , perhaps they're affectionate to our life, create minor or major changes , but probably not time. Lately, I spent my time occasionally for my future plan. I'm responsible in deciding what I'm going to do and where would I be at. As long as there's a will, there's a way to go , let this firmly embedded in your mind then you will not be at loss. // Participated in Inter-school Foot Drill competition last week. My last year leading the team , ended up in a combination of perfection and imperfection. No regrets anymore, achieved our goal which is to win a place , and we successfully did it . I always believe in luck , or even miracles. This time, miracle stood by our side , thanks ! To my dear and witty juniors, never leave out any hope aside no matter how desperate the situation could be, GOOD LUCK! // I'm obnoxious , I'm so numb with this, incredulous... I'm no longer conscious . Things are seemingly creepy .

Grew up

Again, another gathering of the 'Four Old Buddies' is over. Thanks God for granting us this rare opportunity to meet up.Unfortunately, it was only Three who attended tonight, missed out One. Anyway, I still call it a fantastic night, I always cherish the time whenever we are in a whole. Had a long gambling evening, shortly another round after dinner , never bother about the loss, since it's once in a year . In fact, Mum strongly prohibit me from any bet games, so lets just shut up . Chatted about our future, numerous suggestions and ideas given him ( The 10 years friend) . I didn't know where on earth he got that much knowledge from , but they were pretty helpful . Yet, I wasn't fully inspired but at least, got some motivations to push myself harder . What a creditable sharing from Him, thumbs up! It seems the fire is burning vigorously within him, he is so determined and supremely confident , he said he could hit his target . What a guy, another credit given again ! I really like him , tonight. He is no longer the 'happy go lucky person' we've ever known. He knows what he going to do, and what he should do . Two of us, (I mean the 9 years friend) , impressed a lot . Well, it's a good news, good thing indeed. We've grown to this age, we ought to be at this maturity. Don't live your life for nothing, set up a target , it's necessary ,very. Holiday break is going to end soon, means that it has only another 8 months time left . I need to buck up, never put your future in jeopardy, I really have to work hard. I need to think..think bout my future. Thanks again, friends, you wake me up tonight. It's a gathering which is not only memorable but valuable !

我还清醒

不可能 不可能 不可能 无论多渴望 多奢望 都可能成真 不可能 请别再被情绪所操控 理智该是情绪的主人 不可能的 别再对自己作出各种假设 没有一个假设将会成立 通通是妄想 请尽早清醒 别再麻醉于这虚似的世界 赶快回来吧 黄振南

New found

The bond has just created ,strong enough and wish it could prolong. I didn't know how it happened, just naturally mingled and happened. If it was in the past, I would undoubtedly fall into the trap once more, but not for now. Fortunately, mindset is matured enough. I don't know is this only lasts for a period of time, perhaps it fades away soon, or it is going to be extended till a certain time , or it will never come to the halt. Let the destiny to decide, how should the picture shape. Let the destiny to tell, what's our fate in future.

一个人

今天，自己一人在学校外等姐姐，之前还下了场雨，幸好下得不大。望上天空，突然自己对自己开了个蛮无聊的玩笑 。 其实天空是会旋转的，只要自己在原地自转 真实废话一番！ 过后一个人在徘徊于四周，也开始想了一些东西，疑问？ 什么才算是好人？ 善良就好人? 帮助人就是好人？ 但我却觉得很笨？。 。不懂。。从来不拒绝任何人对我的疑问，想尽脑都会找出解决的方法。可是自己？ 很少能为自己克服所面对的一切难处 我想我还是有点依赖？ 不懂。。 等了一阵，姐姐还没来。 这时我终于静静坐下，继续眺望远处。 课业。。童军。。体育。。还有其他芝麻绿豆的小事 突然通通涌了上来 原来自己对自己的管理还是那么的不妥当 都多少岁了？ 今年那么关键不过还那么不成熟。 不知道是不是被昨晚的情绪影响 今天一整天情绪还是有稍稍低落 没事没事。。。 看见姐姐车了 终于可以回家 原来一个人其实也能很好 不受任何人事物的牵扯 多自在 虽然一个人时会显得孤单 寂寞 不过至少还有回忆陪伴着 我知道 一个人不是好的抉择 但也可以是可忍受的选择 做回自己

Lost

Sometimes I'm so fucked up with myself. There's no one or anything happens to interrupt me, but I will just naturally lose my temptation in doing something . This is serious matter, especially when it happens during this time. Why on earth I just can't stay focused , trigger internal will power to complete something instead of allowing my emotion to control against everything? Fail , Fail, Fail ! Fucked up , this severely fucked up !

February

Time flies as how it supposed to be. February began, countdown for SPM once again wakes people up from dizziness, stay awake and spirited. Lately got to know with a new friend, or perhaps more appropriate called as junior. What a surprise, even it has come to the last year but still able to know someone new , unbelievable yeah? lol Last week attended the audition of English Debate , goshh...I wasn't speaking what I supposed to have spoken. Points all running out from mind once I stepped in front , so tensed ? haha . In fact I just wanna spend my last year in the school wiser , get more possibilities to involve in activities which I have never thought I would be joining in , I need to keep discovering within myself throughout the year, what's suitable for me and what ain't. At least, it could be an alternative way to help in making decision after graduating, right? It is most common for everyone to go ahead with own dream , but how if I don't have one? Or maybe there's a direction you are looking forward to ? Honestly, I have the entire enthusiasm , passion and eagerness in only one thing -- Badminton. It all started since I was a kid, watching the players in tv for the first time and instantly got aspired. Anyway, that will no longer be a realistic thinking , I'm old enough , any opportunities that I ever had in realising my dream , I assumed, no more left . Nevermind...it doesn't matter anymore now, I accepted the truth even though it was heart-breaking. I know, a heartening smile to myself is the best cure from a frustration ,there will be better ways to go.. so true... I can't believe I said this lol. So...end this post right here. February, my month.. lets have a blast ! =)

还会这样吗

最后一年了 班上朋友的交情又更亲近了些 感觉上大家都已不再像去年那样还维持着一道距离作为保留 大家都把最真实的本性显露其众 很庆幸我终于在这里认识了一班新圈子的朋友 回想那时的我 确实对这里的他们非常陌生 还好时间帮助我建立了很多段新友情 *万分感恩* 每天在上课时的喧嚣 大家开的无厘头玩笑 互相用言语‘人生攻击‘ 等等 即时有时候会稍微过分 但最后还是引起了我们的笑声 声音往往会越吵越大 无视了老师的存在 这就是我们的习惯 =) 很遗憾的 这样的情竟只能维持在一年内 究竟一年后的我们会在哪里 做些什么。 越想越担心 越想越不甘心...

Dashing

It's already the 4th week of school, things still go as how they are as usual while I'm still rushing everyday to meet up teachers during recess, EVERYDAY, EVERYDAY do u know !? Workloads piled up into a mountain, I could still cope with it luckily. 2013, the very crucial year for us, can't afford to offer too much of relaxing time for myself, time flows like the river water. The race with time clearly shows that my management is absolutely fail, somehow I would say I'm in a extremely disarray manner, sigh..."LUAN SHUI" Anyway, going out for a birthday celebration tomorrow , rare chance to have an outing lately, must appreciate ! GOOD NIGHT then , wish a great day...=)

Never look back...

That day, had Mcd before going for BM class. Afterwards, we were walking up to the footbridge to cross over to the opposite road which the tuition center is actually located. While going up the staircases, there was a girl walking down from the opposite direction. She looked really like someone familiar , but I wasn't sure . She passed by me, and keep going ahead . The moment we walked pass each other, I took a short glance at her , it felt really familiar , as if she was the somebody who used to be absolutely close and important to me. Brain stuck .. I stood still and looked back for a short while on the bridge, I was trying to look for her down there , it was clear enough to spot for her footprint with my position up there, I thought. However, I couldn't get her into my sight, reality proved me wrong in a cruel and relentless way, once more. My friends were walking even farther apart from me, but I wasn't willing to move, I still tried to search for her from the top , I tried every possibility to recall my memory for securing an answer , a confirmation that she was truly the 'somebody' who means a lot to me. Her face puzzled me somehow, but I dared myself to assume that I was right. It must be her, no mistaken...If the time could be returned to the moment we walked pass each other, I would stopped her in a vague way perhaps ... there were plenty of words that I didn't get the opportunity to tell when we were separating on the last day of primary , " Wait me, trust me, we would meet back in 3 years time , don't be available for the other guys ,I took 7-month-time to win your heart with me,so please wait me ... " Yeap.. she is my first-loved , my first ever , in the primary. Well, it will never come true again , look forward....

Weekly Update

So, another week of schooling is going to start tomorrow , officially the third week. Still, the schedule has never been relaxing even once ,especially the past week, super busy for the management and planning of promotion day. I rated 5 out of 10 to myself as I wasn't really well in leading the team on that day. We spent 30mins more than others to have done with the decorations , it was a clear failure that I shouldn't have made. Fine...nothing gone out of control at least, thanks GOD, thanks to my dear panel of AJKs, the members who came as well. Last but not least, wish for a welcoming Monday tomorrow and please keep my routine smooth all the time, please !

Who are you

At times, I often create lame jokes with everyone who I take as one of my closest . Thus , I might get too over sometimes on my own sentence but if my friends understand me well, they wouldn't mind cause that's how my personality goes . Okay, for now, I'm no longer can be that random in front of you . It is not the first or second time you felt offended with my words, my mouth. Perhaps I was too careless to repeat the same mistakes again and again , in front of you. I never knew you would take it so seriously and for sure I have a very wrong perception which I thought you are the same as others. So the question now, who are you ?　I included you in my top best buddies list but I'm really frustrating for your different changes from time to time. Tell me , how should I face you if I have to be so careful while speaking whenever you are around . A friend ? Or somebody who just slightly closer than a stranger to me? Tell me

Tonight

Just came back from supper at my parents' favorite mamak store - Anuja. It was an ordinary night , the people were chatting heartily . Sister had just returned from Melbourne last night and today my home immediately went into a hyper merry condition, as our family has finally reunited. That's all for family stuff, so far so good . As for school , I can't find any other better words to best express how exhausted am I. Guess what, I was appointed for a new post in a new club which I practically first joined on today. Nice, something I'm so new with it , it would really spend me plenty of time to rise to this occasion. Good Luck to me. One and Two and Three ... Together thy're twinkling coyly above I wonder why thy're so humble to show their true faces One and Two and Three ... Together thy disappeared in a blink of eye I wonder did I just have a serious hallucination There's not even a single little star ....

责任

开学三天了 ， 就仅仅三天内大家几乎已喘不过气来了。课业繁重，老师所为我们增添的压力，加上课外活动管理等等，全都像磐石般把我稳稳压在底下，并不停挣扎，寻找或等待能释放的一天。或许这些都是意料之内的，或许我都早已该准备妥当应付，但怎么说我们还是有休息了一段时间，无论生理或心理都还未能接受并适应这种必经的‘煎熬’。中五了，长大了。。应该不再是当初的新报道生，不再表现出一副愚味的面孔，不再太过执着于一些幼稚的小事。光阴的翅膀似乎已完全成熟地生长完毕，马不停蹄的如流水般流去，一个不小心或不留意，我都忘了自己虚度了多少光阴。高等文凭考试已开始在倒数，父母亲更是不约而同的在耳边开始唠叨。换个说法，父母亲是世界上最好的时钟，无时无刻都让你清楚知道自己剩余多少时间。努力，努力，还是努力。专心，专心，更专心。用功，用功，再用功。 另外，自己身负主席的重任自己最清楚。听过一些‘前辈’分享过的成年往事，也亲眼见证他们面对非常刁难的问题，自己心中有数要如何处理接下来即将面对的挑战。承诺不是乱许的，开空头支票更是要不得，所以还是先不作出任何承诺。活在当下，最重要是不要把整支童军队搞得虎头蛇尾。 下雨了。。。秒针仍然不停的顺时转，提醒我该补习去了吧 ？

New Year

The first day going back to school was expected in excitement. But it turned out everyone was catching a deep breath before going home. The workload given were insane, plus up the pressure added by teachers , requiring us to achieve such high target in the beginning of year . This doesn't sound like any motivation nor encouragement , but real stress. I can really feel it that way . Maybe we took it too seriously today , anyway that's good for us . Without stress, no improvement would be made. Without stress, no action would be taken. Obviously, the hardest year to go , here we are , right at the starting point , pace by pace advancing towards succeed . I know we can , everyone can , don't slow down...the world will not wait for you .. come lets move out together .